Ex Pat Mamma

Friday, January 12, 2007

He really is...

that naughty.

Oh dear. And I thought he just gave the attitude to his mamma. Hubby gave him a row last night for something or other, and the response was a big laugh. Dagmamma told me this morning that sometimes he pushes the other kids. (The shame, the shame of it.) I told her she should give him a row (in case she didn't feel that she was allowed to or something) and she said she did... and you know what? He laughs. Laughs right at her. Then goes back to whatever he isn't meant to do with a big cheesy grin and giggling.

He's too little for "time out" on the basis that I cannot leave him alone for more than a millisecond or he'll either destroy himself or, more likely, whatever is in the room.

He's too little to blackmail, on the basis that he doesn't actually have any vocabulary.

He gets the very ocassional smack on the hand, but there is no point overdoing that, or it will become irrelevant. And sometimes I hold his wrist and give him a firm: "Do I have to give you a smack?" And you know what? He laughs.

Damn him! He's tougher than James bleeding Bond. "I will tell you nothing. Nothing. We will destroy your evil enterprise. You will not succeed. Britain shall prevail." (I originally wrote that with "the Taleban" in place of "James bleeding Bond" and continued in that vein. But then I decided it was racist and objectionable so rewrote it. It's not nearly so funny now, but hey, at least I won't invite a fatwa.)

Our other boy issue is that, well, quite honestly, he smells. I think it is a gorgeous smell. But in our sanitised little World, I'm not so sure that others agree. He had baby eczema, so we only showered him twice a week, and are still somewhere around that level (maybe 3 times a week, if he has a particularly vicious poo). Of course his butt is thoroughly cleaned and perfumed and cleaned again. But no longer is he a lazy baby lying around all day and not getting dirty. Now he is official toddler, running around constantly, getting all sweaty, playing outside in the snow (albeit clad such as to make the Michelin man envious) and generally smearing food into his every crevice. Well, not EVERY crevice, he's not that rude yet. But anyway, his hair-fluff, neck, ears, etc. And his dear little fluffy head smells so lovely when you hold him. But perhaps only to his mamma. And his father, who I'm amazed can smell anything, since he only changes his own clothes once a month.*
*May be slight exaggeration.

And when we do bother to wash him (er pupo, not husband, who can jolly well wash his own self. I think), we don't use soap. (Shampoo remains irrelevant is The Baldy Viking has not yet the need.) Again, from the excema habit and also because, well, water seems to do the trick and give him such lovely soft skin. I suspect soap of causing dryness. In fact, now I think about it, I wonder if it is that new shower gel that is making my own eczema so horrible these days?

Now, taking these together, one MIGHT think: Aha! Punish the child by washing him more often! "If you try to bite me one more time, I will give you a shower! With SOAP!"
Those who might suspect such a thing know nothing.
1) I don't wash my son, because, well, frankly, I can't be bothered. Should I instigate the shower-punishment thing, I'd spend most of my day naked and shivering whilst trying to keep a wriggling toddler still while I a) wash him, b) dry him. During b) he'd be naughty again, so back to a) we would go.
2) My son loves the shower. Hardly a punishment.

So, ladies and gentlemen, if you have any wordly advice to offer with regard to problem I behaviour and punishment and II being smelly, except that I LOVE the smell, I trust you will not hesitate.


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