Ex Pat Mamma

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Once upon a time...

I was sexy. No, really, I was. When I met hubby, I was 20, and perhaps a tad too skinny (I'd just trained as a lifeguard and had taken up "popmo" aerobics). Legs up to my armpits. Narrow waist. The flattest of stomachs. Hot wardrobe, including THE pink strappy dress. Jelly shoes as many old Reithers will recall :)
This is not just hindsight, I really had a great figure.

Today I wake up with...

Neither were there yesterday. 7 weeks to go; it can only get worse.

Hubby has already long decided that I am maternal, cute, sweet, beautiful... but not sexy. After baby comes, will I ever be sexy in his eyes again? Sure, if I lose the weight and wear tight clothes (over the stretch marks) other men miight think I am a hot mamma. But my husband? Who has witnessed the gradual deterioration of the physique that caught his attention in the first place? Hubby, who will be doing his David Attenborough at the "business end" on the day of pupo's grand entrance to the World?

This probably seems horribly shallow to you all: mums or non mums. It IS vanity, admittedly. But it is also insecurity (maybe put like that I can make you feel sorry for me!). I want to be all things to all people. So far, I have managed to be smart, successful, hard working, attractive, well dressed and loyal. Now I have to be a great mother too. How can I add another string to my bow without losing some of the others? Especially the "attractive" string. And if I become less of anything else, will my hubby still want me?

Damn, I'm screwed up today.



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